“Dad” by Audrey Whitton

Image from Pixabay

Dad

I guess I made it

To all the places you dreamed I would

Graduated high school, started college.

Hell I made it through elementary, middle and high school

Without you

And I sit and imagine what you would say

“I’m so proud of you”

“I love you”

And I wish I could really hear that.

I’ve heard about your college days from mom

Clinging to the stories that make you seem real again

Everyone tells me how much I am like you

And I always hope it's true.

I keep your picture on my desk

You were so young,

Your arm around mom,

Smiling so wide.

You had just graduated and your whole life was ahead.

Now I've lived eleven years without you.

I can’t even wrap my head around that number.

Eleven.

More than half my life.

And that number grows every fucking day.

It will be twelve in March.

I've been having imaginary conversations with you for eleven years

In my head, you’ve been here for every milestone

Highschool graduation, first car, first job.

And I know I’m never going to stop

It will be my wedding, my college graduation, first apartment.

You’re there somehow

And I truly do love my life

And I know how happy that would make you

But sometimes I can’t help but feel guilty.

Even though every birthday wish since i was six,

Every wishing well,

Is only for you.

I just wish they could come true.

Audrey Whitton is a freshman in LSWA pursuing a degree in Information Science. In her free time, she enjoys reading, riding horses and motorcycles, and spending time outdoors.