“Dead Skin” by Oummu Kabba

I liked to gnaw on the inside of my mouth

Run my tongue along that raised layer of dead skin on the inside of my lips

Fight back a wince when I ended up

Biting off much more than I could chew

But the worst part about the human body is that once you damage it,

It can heal itself

So I had to peel off my skin all over again

I liked to gnaw on the words circulating in my head

Well, not "like" as in: enjoyable

But, "like" as in: a habit I couldn't shake

An addiction to forming the perfect sentences that I could never say

And on some days, that was enough.

But on days when it wasn’t,

I liked to bite down on my thoughts and memories

Because if you did it long enough

You could pull yourself away from the source of your problems

Long enough

To become

Dead

Skin

I was dead skin

Floating in the wind

This was what my dying looked like

Like getting sick on sour saccharine sweetness

Like gripping the cold ceramic of a toilet bowl

Like two fingers to the back of my throat

Vomiting out all the thoughts that made

My mind hearty and my heart mine

I turned 17 the way any girl turns

Away from the mirror, so aware

That she will only ever be seen that way

Through her little box with a glass ceiling

So aware

That she was bleeding out by a thousand cuts

Dry drowning on apologies

A dirty addict with a habit for setting her line of sight

On being blinded by every smile line in sight

This was what my death looked like

Bow your heads for the girl who died quiet

Because the world wouldn’t be quiet

Long enough to let her breathe

Long enough to let the words let themselves out of her head

But I broke the glass ceiling

And stuck a shard into her head

She’s dead

Because the world doesn’t reward those who beg

For air

My dying looked like

Rebirth

Quiet.

Listen to the infernal wails of someone who’s tired of being

Quiet.

Dead skin.

I am reborn and recently

I haven’t been so

Quiet.

Because the best part about the human body is that once you damage it,

It can heal itself

And I get to grow into my skin

All

Over

Again

Oummu Kabba is currently a freshman in LSA who is undecided on her major. However, she loves creative writing and has a penchant for poetry. 

Artist’s Statement: “When I saw the journal's theme--Spiraling Anew--I immediately felt that I needed to submit this poem. I wrote this poem my senior year of high school for my AP Literature class. And while it was empowering, I knew I was writing about a girl I had not yet become. But through navigating college life and the beginnings of adulthood, I feel myself spiraling and growing into the person I wish I was at 17.”